Why Are You a Deacon?

3^rd Sunday in Ordinary Time 2

Cycle A

Ten years ago last Friday I was ordained a Roman Catholic deacon. And ten years ago today I served my first Mass and preached my first homily here, at this church, from this ambo. Like many of you, I often take the opportunity at anniversaries to do a little reflection and introspection on my life and how I got to where I am today.

And so I think it’s perfect that today’s gospel reading is about the calling of the first apostles, Peter, Andrew, James and John. And it’s also wonderful that yesterday we celebrated the feast of the conversion of St. Paul. Today is a great time to talk about vocations.

It seems that whenever I meet someone new at some function or other and they learn that I’m a deacon, the first thing they want to know is: what is a deacon and what does he do? This is especially puzzling for my Mormon friends, because LDS deacons are about eight years old. Then, invariably they ask me what made me want to become a deacon. And you, know, that’s not an easy question to answer. That’s the core question for anyone discerning a vocation.

For some people it’s something they’ve known they’ve wanted to do for a long time. Fr. Bob says he’d known he was called to be a priest since he was four years old. Others have no idea they are being called until someone points it out to him. Deacon Bob says that he didn’t seriously consider his vocation to be a deacon until Fr. Bob suggested he pursue it. Another trend in the church today is second career or late in life vocations. Fathers Rick Sherman, Pat Elliott and J.J. Schwall in this diocese were all ordained in their fifties or sixties.

I thought I wanted to be a deacon and I actively petitioned the bishop to be allowed into the program. I guess it had always been in the back of my mind. My father was very religious and I was influenced by that growing up. I briefly thought about being a priest when I was ten or eleven, but then set it aside when I discovered girls. It was only after my kids were older and I began to learn more about the permanent diaconate that I thought it was something I was being called to. My call was a nagging feeling in the back of my heart that would pop up from time to time. Nothing dramatic or obvious. No visions of angels or heavenly hosts.

A priest is always a priest and when he wakes up in the morning he knows what he is to do that day and what role he is to play. But for a deacon it’s a bit more complicated. I often joke that there are two main differences between priests and deacons. First, deacons can be married and second, a deacon can say no. But it’s both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, folks don’t usually call the deacon at two in the morning to rush over to the hospital to give last rights. On the flip side, a deacon is often torn. A deacon’s first priorities are his family and his job. A priest is a priest and can be totally dedicated to his people in a way a deacon cannot be.

I often say that a deacon is not what I do, it is who I am, but in reality it doesn’t often work out that way. When I wake up in the morning, I know I’m a deacon but that’s not what I usually think about first thing. I worry about my business and my house and my wife and my children and all the things most of us worry about.

I am constantly shifting roles. And it is easy to forget my vocation to serve others. It’s easy to forget that I’m ordained and that that role comes with certain expectations and responsibilities. It’s easy to be a hypocrite when you are expected to live a certain way. You all see a certain side of me; my family knows me differently. I often tell Nancy that if she thinks I’m bad now, just think how bad I’d be if I wasn’t struggling to live as a deacon.

I am telling you all this not to toot my own horn but because you’re just like me. Some folks are called to dedicate their entire lives to God as priests and religious; most of us aren’t. You also are called to a vocation, whether it be as married or single, parent or child. You are still called to the same service and holiness as your priests, deacons, and religious brothers and sisters. You also have to wear a lot of hats. You are a husband or wife, a business person, a friend, a son or daughter, father or mother, and you are constantly having to balance all of them. The one thing that ties them all together is your faith, the love of God in your life that is calling you to serve one another. And it is a constant struggle.

The vocations of marriage and ordained service are actually very much alike. You who are married could not dream of life without your spouse, hopefully. You feel drawn to your partner in a way that could not be denied if you were to be happy. You choose to make your relationship holy through the sacrament of holy matrimony. And every day you strive to live your marriages as examples of God’s love to the world by serving one another and the community.

You are not the same people you were on your wedding day, are you? Marriage has changed you, hopefully for the better. You were bride and groom on your wedding day, now you are a married couple, truly one. You have learned that by trying to fill the needs of the other you are living as God intended you to, and it has become easier and easier for you to reach out to others in need also.

And those of you called to a vocation of single life, whether it is by choice or temporary, can also live the life of a disciple through your example of service to others. You are called to be an example of holiness and constancy to young people and other singles your age.

And like a deacon, you move in and out of your holiness. We go in and out of our commitment to our vocations. It’s always there in the background, the glue that holds things together, but you forget about it sometimes, don’t you. You don’t always live up to the ideal, and that’s ok. Some people call it hypocrisy, I call it the reality of life.

Peter, Andrew, James and John were the same way, as were all the apostles. We heard today that they left their nets and followed Jesus that day, and we often don’t think of what happened next. Jesus lived near them in Capernaum, so it makes sense that the apostles at first hung out with Jesus some times and other times they had to attend to their responsibilities. Like other men of their day, they were probably married. What, you think that Jesus only called single men? There weren’t a lot of them around Judea. We know that Peter was married, why not the others? And you think their wives just let them quit their jobs to hang out with some itinerant preacher?

So, I imagine that sometimes they accompanied Jesus on his journeys, and other times they stayed at home and went about their business. They were husbands and fathers and sons and businessmen. They also had to balance all the areas of their lives, just like we do. Jesus seems to weave in and out of our priorities throughout our lives, and that’s natural. And the beauty of it all is that it is in the ordinariness of our everyday lives that we find Jesus and best give witness of him to others.

The apostles were simple men, hard working men, family men. And their call by Jesus changed them and I believe it changed their families, too. It was sometimes painful. The apostles grew into their vocations. They screwed up a lot and got it wrong. Sometimes their motivations weren’t the purest; sometimes they were in it for themselves. But one thing you will discover as you discern your own vocations is that you are called where you are for who you are. God is not looking to call only perfect disciples. If he were we’d all be doomed.

One big problem I had during my formation was that I had an unrealistic, idealized idea of what a deacon should be. I saw other deacons out there and tried to become like them, but I never could. I actually wanted to quit six months from ordination because I didn’t think I was worthy to be a deacon, at least the type of person I thought a deacon should be.

But then a wise priest told me that the church ordained him a priest but the people made him a pastor. He told me that living your vocation actually prepares you for it. He told me that God has called me as I am and the church has ordained me as I am. I don’t have to become some stylized idea of what I think a deacon should be. And I have found that to be true over the past ten years. My vocation as deacon has been helping me to truly become a deacon. But it will be a lifelong struggle.

Just as all life experiences change and form you, your vocation to God subtly changes you over time. Your spouse married you for who you are. Are you worthy of your spouse? How has your marriage changed you? You have changed me by allowing me to become part of your lives in very intimate ways; in your living and your dying, in your love for one another and in your children.

Discerning a vocation is not easy or quick. Just like there is no love at first sight, it is rare to find a vocation at first sight. Sometimes you fight it tooth and nail, but if you don’t find your place you won’t truly be happy. Sometimes you will feel that you are unworthy and unprepared. How do you think Peter, Andrew, James and John felt that day?

We have to expand our idea of vocation beyond simply the ordained. We need to continue to pray for and encourage vocations to the priesthood in our young men, in your sons. Most importantly, we must not discourage any potential calls to vocation. I know a woman who, when I mentioned to her that her son might be being called to the priesthood exclaimed, “Over my dead body!” Her son grew up, fell in love with and married a good Mormon girl, converted, and ironically now has the priesthood!

We have to all find our own way, the way to God that we are all called to as individuals, and I think the one thing that ties those ways together is the idea of service. The Greek word for service is diaconia. We are all called to be deacons to the world and we are truly happiest when we serve others.

The greatest deacon in all of history was Jesus Christ. Like Jesus, we are all called to be deacons, and we all share in the priesthood of Christ. You were called through your baptism and are made worthy through your baptism. It will be a struggle, but persevere. As St. Peter said, “Therefore, brothers, be all the more eager to make you call and election firm, for, in doing so you will never stumble.”

Hopefully, someday you can answer the question, "Why am I a deacon?"