Humble Pie

22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time
Cycle C
Sir 3:17-18,20, 28-29
Heb 12:18-19,22-24a
Lk 14:1,7-14

“Ever since you became a deacon, you’ve been a pompous jerk! I’ve had it with you and I’ve had it with St. Mary’s!” Actually, the language used was a bit saltier, but you get the idea. And that was the nicest thing he said.

Wow, I was stunned. All I could do was sit there and stare at the phone after he hung up on me. This was from one of my oldest and closest friends, and I was completely blindsided. Months and months of anger had just come rushing out. I became indignant. “I’m the jerk? I’m the jerk? All I’ve ever been is a good friend to you. Where do you get off talking to me like that? You’ve blown everything out of proportion. It’s you who’s out of line.” Then, after I’d cooled down a bit, I was magnanimous and understanding. “He’s been having a hard time lately. He’s probably having a bad day. I’ll give him a bit of time and then he’ll call back and apologize.” Then, as the conversation played itself over and over again in my mind, I figured, “You know, he may be right.” A lot of times I do act arrogantly. A lot of times I do think that being a deacon is special, that I know everything, and I’m sure that attitude comes out. And that is not what being a deacon is all about. It’s not what being a friend is all about. It’s not what being a Christian is all about. Finally, I was struck by shame and guilt, and saw things through his eyes. And I was sorry; very, very sorry.

It’s hard to be humble. It’s not how most of us were raised, and it’s not how we are taught to act by society. The meek shall inherit the earth. Right. Tell that to the shy kid on the playground who everyone picks on. Or tell that to the woman who just got passed over for promotion because a coworker was more aggressive. We’re taught to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, proud of our accomplishments. Some people just seem to have it, though. We can’t pin it down exactly, but we know it when we see it, just as we recognize arrogance and pride when we see it. We often pass it off as shyness or insecurity, and sometimes it is, but true humility is a sign of great strength.

Humility is not what you do, it’s what you are. It’s not a character trait that you can cultivate, it’s the attitude you have based upon how you view yourself in relation to other people. Humility is all about relationships. How we view ourselves in relation with others. Including God. Who’s in charge? Who’s the master and who’s the servant?

In a competitive society it’s especially hard to be humble. And we’re taught from an early age to “love ourselves”. There’s even a song about that. And most times we don’t act on it consciously. We don’t ever want to be seen as arrogant, and we can work hard at being humble, but if our attitude towards other people is one of superiority, if we don’t see ourselves as being servants of others rather than masters, that will come out in how we treat other people. It’s all about how we see ourselves and other people. And everyone can sense it, for good or for evil.

Every now and then we get a smackdown, right between the eyes, usually from those closest to us. Most of the time we don’t even realize that we’re hurting others by the little things we say, or by our indifference to other people’s situations, but they remember every slight and dig, real or imagined. And sometimes it all blows up in your face and you lose a friend. When that happens you have a choice to make: you can get all worked up yourself and blame it all on the other person, or you can calmly take stock of your life and humbly try to see if maybe they have a point. Those smackdowns can have great value if they shock us into seeing ourselves as we truly are and lead us to do something to change our attitudes.

The greatest act of humility is repentance. You cannot be the master and ask someone for forgiveness. You cannot be arrogantly sorry. In order to ask for forgiveness you must subjugate yourself and your ego to the other. You have to dig deep within yourself and be truly honest in your assessment of your behavior. That’s what it means to be sincere. And once you see how you have hurt the other, you have to swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness, knowing full well that you may be rejected.

 
When we ask for forgiveness we are completely vulnerable. We are literally putting our heart in the other person’s hand, hoping that it won’t be stomped on, hoping we won’t be rejected. And sometimes we are. And even though we might think, “Well, God has forgiven me”, it still hurts, sometimes for years, sometimes for a lifetime.

Jesus told Peter that we must forgive our brother seventy times seven. What we must also do is repent seventy times seven. Just as we are called to forgive, we are also called to ask for forgiveness. I tell young parents that the most important thing they can do for their children is to forgive them. From the very beginning, forgive them. If only once do they come to you and say they’re sorry and you hesitate, or you offer some condition, or say, “I forgive you…but”, you have lost their trust. They need to trust that no matter what they do, you will accept them back. They must trust if they are to repent. They must trust in your forgiveness if they are to ever have hope. If they can’t trust in your forgiveness, how can they trust in their future spouse’s or even God’s? We all want to trust that we will be forgiven. Why wouldn’t you want people to trust in your forgiveness?

We act with humility when we forgive, just as it takes an act of humility to ask for forgiveness. Have you ever thought about how Jesus practiced humility? How could the all powerful God himself be humble? He did it by forgiving. He called everyone to repentance and then when they came to him he forgave them. Unconditionally. People trusted Jesus because he forgave. And he did more than that, he gave them proof that God forgives also. And he told us to do the same.

And so, for all the times I have acted arrogantly towards you, I am sorry.

For all the times I have acted flippantly and indifferently towards you and your situation, I am sorry.

For all the times I have used inappropriate language and jokes around you, I am sorry.

For all the times I have spoken without thinking, I am sorry.

For all the times I have not taken you seriously, I am sorry.

For all the times I have not truly listened to you, I am sorry.

For all the times I have failed to see your point of view, I am sorry.

For all the times I have thrown my authority around, I am sorry.

For all the times I have gotten on my soapbox and been holier-than-thou, I am sorry.

For all the times I have not returned your phone calls right away, I am sorry.

For all the times I’ve avoided you, I am sorry.

For all the times I have not been truthful with you, I am sorry.

For all the times I have not loved you as I should, I am sorry.

Ok, now it’s your turn.