Third
Sunday of Easter
Cycle
B
Forgiveness
Repent, therefore, and be converted, that your
sins may be wiped away."
We hear the theme of repentance for the
forgiveness of sins again in today’s readings. Jesus began his public ministry with
the message, repent and believe in the gospel. That message was central to his entire
teaching, but it was only after the disciples had witnessed his suffering, death,
and resurrection that they could finally understand the how and the why. Jesus tied
it all together when he appeared to them that Easter night.
"Thus
it is written that the Christ would suffer
and rise from the dead on the third day
and that repentance, for the forgiveness of sins,
would be preached in his name
to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem.
You are witnesses of these things."
Forgiveness of sins is not only central to
Jesus’ teaching but is at the core of all the scriptures. Forgiveness is talked
about over 70 times in scripture, 40 times in the New Testament alone. Humanity’s
fallen nature means we are in need of repentance and forgiveness. The bible is
one long story of our falling again and again and being lifted up again and
again. Jesus spoke of and offered forgiveness so many times, even from the cross
to those who were killing him. To the very end he offered them hope and a
relationship with him. He offered them salvation by forgiving their sin. Jesus knows
how broken we are. Jesus knows how desperately we want and need to be forgiven,
and he offers it to us constantly through His church today.
Forgiveness is central not only to our faith
but to our very well-being. We all live in relationships with others, in fact,
we cannot even be saved outside of relationships with others, yet we always
seem to hurt one another and break those relationships. That is the definition
of sin. There are many, many people today who do not have a sense of sin, what
it is or if it even exists, but everyone can understand broken relationships
because they are so painful. One of the great tragedies of humanity is that so
many relationships are never healed because so many times forgiveness is never
asked for or given or received when they are broken. And all our relationships
will be hurt or broken from time to time. The only way to restore those
relationships is through forgiveness, asked for and given, freely, honestly and
truly.
If there was no forgiveness for our sins, there
would be no hope for us. Not just hope for eternal life but hope for happiness
here in this life. Without forgiveness we will spiral down into self-loathing,
or we will become so scarred and jaded that we give up and not care. And that
is the most frightening thing of all. Forgiveness is true love, and the
opposite of love is apathy.
We all want to be forgiven; we all need to be
forgiven. We all need to forgive.
Have you ever asked someone to forgive you and
they refused? Or they sloughed it off and didn’t take it seriously? Or they said
they accepted your apology, but you felt deep down they didn’t mean it, and the
relationship remained strained? How did that make you feel? Hurt, angry, worthless?
What did that do to your self-image? What did you think about the other person?
Do you still feel that hurt today?
I give advice to young parents when I prepare
them to have their children baptized to never hesitate to forgive their
children when they do something wrong. When a child says they’re sorry to you,
if you even flinch or pause or give some sort of condition before accepting
their apology you plant the seed of doubt in them that you really don’t forgive
them. And if you do that to them often enough, they will eventually stop saying
they’re sorry because they don’t believe you will forgive them. It’s a defense
mechanism to avoid the pain of that rejection because that is what withholding
forgiveness really is, rejection. A deep rejection when we are the most
vulnerable. Those feelings of rejection and avoidance of situations where it
could occur again can carry over to adulthood and affect all our relationships.
When Fr. Bob would teach our catechumens about the
sacrament of reconciliation, he would tell them that in the confessional it was
like he is holding the penitent’s heart in his hands, and it is an awesome
responsibility for him to cherish and honor that heart and not destroy it. It takes
great courage to ask for forgiveness, and when we do, we are extremely
vulnerable. If we are rejected at that moment, it can affect us for a lifetime.
When someone comes to us for forgiveness we have great power over them, and it
is at that moment we can truly offer God’s mercy along with our own.
The beautiful thing about our God is that no
matter what we have done, if we come to him with a sincere repentant heart
desiring forgiveness, he will never reject us. Even if we come to him at the
very last moment of our lives, all will be wiped clean. There’s a flip side to
this forgiveness thing, however. Jesus told us that we will be forgiven to the
extent that we forgive. He actually said that if we don’t forgive one another,
we will not be forgiven, and his forgiveness is predicated on our truly
repenting of our sins. That means we sincerely intend to avoid those sins, we
feel true remorse not just because of the potential consequences of our sins,
but because we know that they hurt our relationship with God, who deserves all
our love.
We all want to be forgiven; we all need to be
forgiven. We all need to forgive.
Forgive
each other constantly, even if you are forgiving the same thing over and over
again. Ask for forgiveness constantly, even if you are asking it for the same
thing over and over again. Never cease to persevere in doing what is right, brothers
and sisters.
The
three most important words in a relationship are not “I love you”, but “I
forgive you”. The next three most important words are “I am sorry”. Say the
words. We need to hear the words. We need to say the words. We need to hear
ourselves say the words. Words matter. Let there be no question about your
intent or what you are asking for and offering. A wise monk once told me that the most loving thing you can
do for someone is to say you’re sorry to them, because you are then giving them
the chance to love you in return. Give them that chance.
Say
“I am sorry, please forgive me” or better yet, “I am sorry for doing x, please
forgive me.” “I apologize” can mean anything, as does “I regret my actions”. They’re
halfhearted and meaningless. Saying you’re sorry shows emotional understanding
of what you are offering. And in return don’t say “it’s ok”, because it’s not
ok. There is hurt involved here. Say the words “I forgive you”. That leaves no
question in the mind of the asker and can open the door to true reconciliation.
Say
the words to God, too. Go to confession often, even if you seem to be confessing
the same sins over and over again. I once told a priest that it felt worthless
to keep confessing the same things over again, and he said, “What, you want new
sins?” Jesus knows your failings better than you do, he wants to hear you ask
for forgiveness, and he wants so desperately to have you hear his words of
reconciliation.
It’s hard. I know. It’s
really hard to put yourself out there risking rejection. Especially if the hurt
was a serious one, or when you feel like such a failure to keep coming back and
ask for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again. And it’s hard to
keep forgiving the same things because you don’t see the situation ever
improving. It’s like ripping off the scab every time. But we must. Jesus told Peter
to forgive a sin seventy times seven. Because if you don’t it only winds up hurting
you instead.
Jesus told his disciples
that Easter night, “Who’s sins you forgive are forgiven, and who’s sins you
hold bound are held bound.” You’ve gotta let it go. If you forgive each other’s sins, then healing
can occur and relationships can occur. If you hold them bound; if you keep them
tied up inside of you and let them fester into bitterness, healing can never occur,
and relationships will be permanently destroyed.
The first thing Jesus
says to his disciples is “Peace be with you”. They needed to hear the words
from his mouth because they were not at peace. He actually said it twice. How do
you think they felt after betraying him, denying him and running away from him
when he needed them most? But instead of berating them he showed them
compassion. He knew how they were feeling, how ashamed they were. He knew they
were in danger of tearing apart their fragile fellowship, destroying the church
before it even began, and so he offered them two things: his peace and his forgiveness.
“If I can forgive you,” Jesus was telling them, “Then you must forgive one
another and move on”.
That forgiveness allowed
the apostles to go out and proclaim the good news to the entire world. That
forgiveness is what attracts people to the faith. That forgiveness is why you
and I are Christians today. That forgiveness is the hope that we continue to
offer humanity by practicing it in our everyday lives.
